Monday, April 22, 2013

Ashes to Ashes

There has been a lot of loss as of late among our circle of friends. Dear, dear souls who have walked their paths and crossed our own who are no longer for this earth. We mourn for them and we weep, it is part of what is necessary. We feel a greats sense of loss at times like these and at times the world seems a little smaller and darker for our loss.

Death is part of the cycle. None of us would be here if it were not for the great equalizer that ends us all. All of our ancestors, the people, the men and the women who walked this way before us had there turn in the sun and they had to finally give way so we could take our turns.

I was blessed to have an amazing relationship with my Great Grandmother Emmons when i was young. I was the jewel of her world, we played dominoes and she passed away when i was four. She taught me that it was all OK and in some way i cannot entirely understand or explain, i saw her after she was gone and she let me know it was all right. I was blessed and lucky to have this experience when i was only four, because i have never seen death as a bad thing. I have always in some way understood and known that it was part of our lives and it is beautiful. Not in itself. It can be tragic and early, or the end of a long and meaningful life, but when we look at the whole great story of the lives of humans, it is beautiful.

I am comfortable with my death. She lingers at the side of me, just off to my left. When she reaches out her hand and touches me it will be time to move on to the next adventure. As a warrior, i am comfortable with that. I try to live each day as if it is my last dance on this earth. I hope to be able to look back when death finally comes and as Nietzche directed say, "Was that life? Again." Hoka hey in the words of the Sioux blessing. This is a good day to die. My life is and will be a blessing and i am "feeling nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time...

For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees that lined our streets... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird.... And Janie... And Janie... And Carolyn.

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...

And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid life...

You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."
American Beauty End Speech

Pass into beauty and live each moment to the fullest.

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