Age and Time

Giving up age is an interesting thing. When i first did this, i was in college at Rutgers University. I was walking out of Brower Commons and was thinking, as i often did at the time, about Professor Calvin Luther Martin's class on Native American History and i was also fresh off of a birthday party that was just thrown for one of my parents. It was a big one, 40 or 50, at this point it makes no difference to me. But, i watched as they got gag gifts and cards. They said such things as, "Over the hill and picking up speed!" "Hair replacement pills" bottles of candies. And more. Jokes about back aches and how they were on the back side of health and needed to be prepared for all the things we think in our culture go along with that number. As i was walking out of the dining hall that day, i thought about those birthday parties, and what we had talked about in class, and i decided to give up age. It is an easier thing to do when you are what society calls 21.

We had spoken in those classes of hunting societies in the Paleolithic Age that had no separate words for past, present and future. We talked in class about the nature of time and the fact that if you ask a 2 year old how old they are they will say 2, but if you ask 2 what? they have no idea what you are talking about. Try it yourself. Ask a 2 year old how old they are, they will invariably hold up 2 fingers and tell you they are 2. Then, be a little malicious and ask them 2 what? They have no idea what you are talking about. Then you can suggest things. Are you 2 fire trucks? I had a kid tell me, "yeah, i am 2 fire trucks!" Really excited. They are 2 of everything really. It takes the parties with the cakes and the presents, and the public education with the bells and schedules to indoctrinate them in age and time. It is one of the first boxes everybody wants to put you in when they meet you. I have refused to be placed in that box and it bothers people. According to our world view, it is a fact that cannot be argued. I have had people get really upset when they ask me how old i am, and i say i have no age.

The way the conversation goes is usually like this...
Person i just met (hereforth referred to as "PERSON") "How old are you?"
Me: "I don't have an age."
Person: "Hahaha... but really how old are you?"
Me: "I gave up age, i don't have one anymore."
Person: "Hahaha, but really how old are you?"
Me: "I am serious, this is really important to me and i have been working on it a long time."
Person: "OK but what year were you born?"
Me: "I know the year, but i don't pay attention to it anymore. Also, since i don't know you, i am not sure you would not tell me the number everybody thinks it should be. I have been working a long time on not knowing that number."
Person: "OK, but you have been on the Earth a certain amount of time. Tell me the year you were born!"
Me: "Look, i have been working a long time on not knowing the number and it is hard. I could give you a range, but i really don't know the number. If i wanted to add it up i could but..."
Person: "But just tell me how old you are!"

And i have really had people get upset about this, even angry about it. It shakes the foundation of their world. You can see it disturbing them. This does not compute with what they believe and it shakes the foundations of everything that they hold to be true. People have gotten on the verge of violence about it. In our world view, it is a fundamental thing that we do not even question. Of course you have an age! This is a fundamental fact and for some people to suggest that this is not true is difficult to handle. It does not compute and there is no way for this to fit in with what they believe to be fundamental truths of the foundations of reality. In the same way an earthquake shakes the faith in things we think are foundational and real, i have had conversations with people where this age thing of mine is not OK. I tell them that i do not have an age, and they need therapy. That is an exaggeration, but it clearly shakes them and they need to prove that what i am saying is just bunk and a joke of some kind.

It is also the reason i think, why i have witnessed some people get really excited whenever i have a back ache or they see a grey hair in my beard. Phew... thank god, do you see? He was wrong! He has back pain... guess he is getting old. I have literally had friends who have seen me with a grappling or training injury who think it is funny and i can see the relief in their eyes... and i really understand it. If i am right about this whole age thing, the fundamental foundations of their world view are shaken a little bit. And people do not like that. They do not enjoy when someone shows the chinks in the armor of their fundamental beliefs.

So what the Hell am i talking about because i really feel like it is misunderstood most of the time. I do not believe that i am not getting older and am not going to die. What i have given up, is age... the measurement, the number of my years. I have grey hairs in my beard and am noticing a thinning of my hair line. Someday i will die. Someday i will not be able to do 12 three minute intense rounds on the punching bag. But.... if you have the number.... if you partake in the labeling of the years you are going to have assumptions that go along with that number. I look at my friends from high school and i have to tell you, this philosophy is working. I also periodically hear from people who saw pictures of me when i started working at Ren Faire and they are shocked that i look just the same. I had a dentist who had my date of birth tell me it was impossible that i had wisdom teeth coming in because that NEVER happens after the age 28 or something. Well... my wisdom tooth that was coming in would beg to disagree.

Listen, i do not force this philosophy on any of you, but i have to tell you, it has worked for me. And i look forward to being bald and sitting on a porch as a wise old sifu. But i refuse to have the number and if you deal with me, do it without putting me in an age box. Deal with me as i am standing in front of you. And if you want to take this journey, you are going to have to give up the celebration of your ego and the worship of yourself at your yearly celebration. I had that a little easier because i never really much cared for sweets in the first place and was a little uncomfortable at my birthday parties when i was young. But i tell you, it is worth it. My body and my soul is "aging" at my own time and it is not contained by what we think 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 should be. I don't know what that number is and i don't care, i don't traffic in it. The zeitgeist will not willingly let you go from the idea of age and the numbering of your years, but eventually it will relax its claws and let you free. You can too. If you have any questions, let me know, i would love to talk to you about it.

Non-Time - The Time Between Days & Dreaming

I realized something about myself and assumptions i have about my world view last night. I always have considered my day to end when i go to sleep. I have never considered the end of the day to be midnight so if i am writing a journal entry about the day and it is 2 AM when i write it, i will always put the date for the day that standard clock time says ended at 12 midnight. Likewise, the day starts for me when i wake up in the morning. Some of my healthiest feeling times are out in the woods hiking with no artificial light sources and my day tends to start lining up with the day of the sun. When it starts to get dark, i go to sleep and when the sun rises, i return to consciousness. That happens to a lot of people out hiking for long periods on an extended hike.

I notice even now that when i wrote the last i said, "return to consciousness." That is what i realized last night. I fundamentally believe that but the question is where is the consciousness returning from. My day ends when i pass into sleep and the new day begins when i wake. There is a portion of time, sleep time, dream time if you will, that is not covered in any of my world view's definition of what a day is. That "time" that exists while sleeping is outside of my cycle of days. It is a type of non-time, a veil that exists between the days.

This is a really fascinating concept to me and jives with the work i have been doing on dreaming and dream recall. There is another place we go to when we are asleep. The rules and flow of time do not follow the rules of our waking selves in that place. I like this concept and am going to keep thinking about it. A big part of my mission in the past few months, and at other times in my life, is to navigate that other place. I want to pierce that veil and bring my conscious self into that dream state, that other non-time that exists in the spaces between the days.

As a side note, i have had people tell me that i am just wrong about this, the day ends at midnight. That really has nothing to do with anything inherent in the world. It is convention and is convenient for our calendars, but we could have easily chosen something else. Our experience lived as humans really seems to suggest an end or beginning happening at dawn or sunset, or darkness. We can actually experience those things without the aid of a watch.