The Solace of Solitude

I used to go outside into the woods almost every night back when i lived at my parents house. No flashlight, no tools, nothing but myself going out into the bush. It was amazing. I learned out there that the Kingdom of Heaven IS at hand. The angel choirs of crickets, spring peepers, bullfrogs sing constant and persistent praise to the Divine. I was part of that. My self dissolved and my nightly walk was my own song of praise to the gods. I learned out there that Orion is my Brother, the Moon is my Sister and most desired love. The Wind is my brother. The Earth is my Mother and The Sky is my Father in that earthy Aboriginal way. In the darkness of the nights, bathed by stars and moonlight, i am One. Everything is everything else and it is all the same. I have read since then that we are all made up of stars and the stuff of the universe in a scientific way as well. I knew that then as well when i walked through the woods at night.

I have had a long dark valley. I stopped walking in the nighttime. I became too busy, had some relationships along the way that drained me and took away what i am. I became separate in my thought from what was around me. My ego moped. I feel that i am coming back to the place of health that i was in, probably last in 1999. I have found my way home. I owe a lot of that to the Lords of Adventure and the Adventurer's Handbook i wrote with my good friend and twin brother John Williams. I owe a lot of that to an amazing cast at the New Jersey Renaissance Faire. I owe a lot of that to following Bethany Tussings dread locks up a mountain in Colorado and being reminded of the kind of person that i want to be. I owe a lot of it to people that we have been able to help along the way. They were there, in their own pain for me and whether or not they knew it, they pull me up out of my valleys so i could be there for them. We put out a book and an idea of a joyful life that i feel we have to live up to. It is possible to be a decent human being and always try to strive for better than you are this day.

This path has led me to a mountain. I sit in my house on the hill in Lambertville, listening to the stream run over the rocks and feeling the breeze come through my window on this beautiful spring night and i am reminded of how important it is for me to be out in the night. This place is a blessing. It feels like a final step out of the valley into the pure light of day. It is amazing to end a day here. The other night a deer up the hill in the darkness sang her song to me. This place is a solace and a refuge. I am blessed.