We are all a mess

"What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world. The paragon of animals. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?" ~William Shakespeare

It is so easy sometimes to look at the issues of others and wonder why they don't just get over it. Sometimes they even tell you they know what the problem is and it looks so simple from the outside and we get frustrated or turn our backs because they should really just stop doing what they are doing that hurts them or move on or get over it. Just that simple. But then, then we come across some of our own demons and our issues and if we are honest we realize that we have those issues too and it is not that simple. We are all flawed and have our things that are so ingrained in our beings that they seem like a part of us and we cannot ever imagine ever going past them. We don't even try because looking in the face of our own demons and admitting the flaws that define us is not something we like to do. I don't let people get close. I know i do this and that it is silly but i do it anyway. Logically i can tell you how silly it is but in the thick of it i have a thousand mechanisms to keep people on the outside.

We all have something. We have all been hurt and made promises to ourselves throughout our lives that make us keep doing the same things to ourselves over and over and over again. Sometimes we let people hurt us, berate us or strike us because we somehow feel that we need to be punished because of our flaws. Sometimes we push those who love us away because we don't even want to look at our own dark side, let alone let someone gaze openly into our abyss. Sometimes we make whatever excuses we can to drive off all of those that try to love us because inside of us their is a child that is insecure and believes that this amazing person could not possibly love me because i am not worthy of love with all of my flaws and failings. It is often easier to drive good people away and leave a wreck among our friends and relationships because we do not want to risk rejection. It is often easier to seek the fix of a new relationship than to work on and maintain one that has grown and nurtured us because many of us feel like we are not worthy of nurture. Many times it is easier to blindly follow a set of ideas than to open our minds to something new. We can rage and anger and stand behind a fortress of our own devise to protect our need to be right. We can become frustrated and pout to our friends when things don't go just the way we want even in things that in the grand scope of everything do not really matter. We often times cannot escape the grasp of our issues because in some deep and primal way, it feels like an essential part of who we are. We cannot imagine any place outside of the darkness and the negativity and the self doubt and the anger and the sadness.

This is the conundrum of our species and an irony of our nature. We are so advanced in our thinking and thoughts that we get in our own way. Our consciousness shuts us down and sends us to the bottle or to therapy. We believe the darkness. But there is also the light. It is easy to spiral onto a wave that tells you a beautiful life with love and friendship and health is not possible. But that is not the case. It is possible to face down our demons and move on. Sometimes i am there. Sometimes i look out at a river in the middle of the night in a cool winter rain and realize that it is all going to be all right. We are all the same and part of something that flows through all of us. When we are quiet sometimes we can hear the hum of the universe telling us it is going to be OK. Health is possible. It is rarely where we think it is going to be or down a path that we expected but it is possible for all of us; we small, small apes walking about this beautiful green and blue ball hurtling through space, to find peace and move in tune with the rhythms of everything. Truth is we do it anyway, there is really no other choice. It is only in our consciousness that we think forces conspire against us and all is sickness and pain. In the grand scope of everything, the great dance goes on.

But the truth is, in some ways at least, we are all a mess. I have seen beautiful amazing people that i care deeply about in the throes of it and they have taught me it is not a matter of just getting over it. I have been in that spiral myself and when you are there, it is not an easy task to climb your way out of it. Remember this. We are all a mess. There are no easy fixes. Sometimes love has to be tough and if we want to help we do not have to coddle, but do not believe that these things are just easy to throw off like an old jacket.

Also remember this, the most valuable things in life are the most difficult and i have also seen people who have clawed their way through and past their insecurities and these are some of the most powerful people i have ever met. We are all a mess... and what lies beyond that mess, through it, understanding it and not letting it control you... is something wonderful.

I write this because i want you to know i feel it too. Just because i do not understand your particular issue does not mean that i do not have my own. I am sorry if you have ever felt unheard or disregarded. I have been there where you are and i think when people are honest most of us have as well. Our own things feel real to us because they are our things. But yours is real too, and if you are reading this and you know what i am talking about, i am sorry if there has ever been a case where you were not heard or cared about. You are so, so worthy of love, each of you reading this.

This is our bar

In class the other day at Gracie United in Hammond, Louisiana, Professor Rafael Ellwanger said something that really struck a chord with me. "One of the things i miss about training in Brazil was after every class we would all go out to eat and spend time together. We did not go out to the bar; no smoking, no drinking. This is our bar, here on the mat. This is where we like to be and the people we like to be with." I have never voiced that so succinctly but i have always felt it. Training in the dojo, working on the martial arts has always been where i feel the most happy and at home.

I have never been one for loud parties and huge groups of drunk people. It is hard to vacation with me because i really do not like to sit around and do nothing. When i have a day off what i tend to do is work out or work on skills or projects i have for one of our varied business ventures. That is what i choose to do on my time off. I have a hard time when i have days off in a row and nothing to do. I would rather be on the mat. That is indeed my place of community and where i go to unwind after a long day. It is more vacation than most of my vacations.

Students days, kids and the Renaissance Faire

I have been working at Renaissance Faires and festivals for quite a long time now. Nothing seems to strike fear into my fellow performers and merchants hearts like kids' days. Whenever they are coming up and we have meetings invariably people want to roll out their horror stories and talk about ways to protect yourself from these monsters we have to suffer through. As someone who owns a festival myself and has also been through over 10 years of faires and student days, i have to say to those people who preach the fear and loathe these "horrible" days... shut up.

I have never had a bad kids' day in all my years working as an entertainer and even a few times as a vendor. I think the problem a lot of people have on student days comes from the attitude that they bring with them. There is an expectation that the kids are going to be awful brats and the day is going to be a battle to protect merchandise and feelings against these young humans that are coming through the gate. I watched someone just the other day yell belligerently at a group of students, "Get out of the way, the rickshaw is coming!" The rickshaw was behind them. These students were just walking and laughing with each other, but the attitude thrown at them was one of anger and the seizing of authority. This group of students did not do anything untoward and yet this worker at the faire assumed he had to be hard nosed with these young people. Most people who work at faire are having an awful student day even before it has begun. If you ask someone how they are doing before the day you will here all kinds of negativity about a day that has not even begun yet. People... STOP!

Our perception definitely shapes our reality. If you go into anything with expectations the universe is probably going to give you back what you are asking for. This is especially true when dealing with children, they are sensitive creatures and they can feel your loathing seeping off of you.

Here are some things that i do, and mind you, i have never had a bad kids' day. Try these things. They work.

1. Do not patronize kids. Talk to them like people because they are. Just like we laugh when hearing about patrons who believe that actors or people behind a counter are, "Almost like real people", the idea that every kid who comes to the faire is some kind of mini-monster is just as laughable. Treat them with respect and talk to them like a person. Do not expect them to be "bad" and you will be amazed at the amazing experiences you will have, let alone what they will take home from meeting you.

2. At the same time, they are children and don't forget it. You are an adult or at least you are supposed to be so know your boundaries. If you remember that these are young people and not criminals you can handle almost any situation you encounter.

3. Here is the big one, and the number 1 reason to not hate these days... most of us like what we do and enjoy that faires exists so we don't have to work in a cubicle somewhere... well this is the future of our business! If these kids get hooked now, they are the ones who are going to be coming back and bringing their kids here in the next generation of people. Our music director in NJ fell in love with Renaissance Faires when she came to a student day many years ago. If you can't figure out a way to sell things the kids are going to buy, consider it advertising for the future of your business. Make them love it!

4. Go into the day expecting to play. The students that come on kids' days are ready and willing to play in your world and i don't care what age group you are talking about. If you do not see each interaction as a battle but an opportunity you will be amazed at the fun you can have.

Student days at faire are to me some of my favorite. We are done at 2 in the afternoon and we spend all day with a bunch of people who if you do not send waves of negative energy at them will find you to be a hero by the end of your interaction with them. Some of them can even learn something and some of them may wind up working for you in years to come.

Stop hating on the kids' days everybody.

A public service announcement from the Lords of Adventure. ;)

We are the light of the world

This weekend was all about light. There are some fundamental scientific truths about light that we all kind of know in elementary and high school but do not really fathom how monumental they are. We learn about plants and photosynthesis and that they create their energy and food from the light of the sun. They are green because that color absorbs the red and blue color light which has the most diverse wavelength selection to draw from while reflecting back the green colored light which sits in the middle of the spectrum. Animals then eat plants and get their energy there and are in turn eaten by other animals which get their energy from those animals that got their energy from the plants. All of the motivating energy of every living thing comes originally from the light of the sun.

We need to take a minute to let that sink in. We all, every living thing, ultimately are eating sunlight, solar energy, nuclear fusion reactions from over 92 million miles away. When we think about the implications of this it is kind of staggering. Every action on the earth by a living creature is ultimately solar energy made manifest in matter. The plant converts light into its energy and stores it in its leaves and body like a battery. It is there as potential. As an animal when i eat a plant my cells and mitochondria convert that into energy and action of my muscles. My typing on this keyboard is sunlight made matter in the world. Every time i hit a heavy bag or strike a chord on a guitar, it is an explosion of stored energy that originated in the sun.

I believe this is the same for thoughts. If thoughts are electrical energy in our brains and consciousness then they too started out in the the star that centers our solar system. I am not a dualist who believes that mind stuff and body stuff are somehow different. This is the topic for another blog, but my studies have led me to believe that everything is a type of energy moving at different speeds. Matter is energy slowed down to a lower vibration. If this is the case then that energy that becomes our thoughts and our consciousness originated in the sun too.

The planets in our solar system, the meat of my body, everything that is exploded out of stars, at least in this theory. We are made up of stardust people. That is pretty epic. And the sun originated out of the greater galaxy which arose from the greater universe. Whatever that source of the start of the universe was, this blog originated there too. That is where our sun came from. It all ultimately has the same source and has emerged and evolved and grown into this epic dance of the myriad things and creatures and planets and galaxies and photons and rivers and rocks that make up this amazing drama that we can not begin to completely fathom. We are all a part of something magnificent.

I have been looking at the Two-slit experiment again and i feel like in that scenario you are putting energy into a system and it is like a very primitive consciousness. Our brains and bodies are like a very complicated version of that experiment. The system takes that energy and goes to a myriad different places with it, but it all starts with light, with energy, with the Sun, the universe, with the Beginning of things.

Remember, we are all a part of something magnificent!

The Way is in the Training

Once you get the ball rolling, you have to keep the ball rolling.

I have seen a lot of people who have a similar problem. They get really excited about something in their life, be it learning an instrument, working out, getting organized or improving their business. They stay in this state of excitement and inspiration for a few weeks usually, and then it is back to the old routines. This kind of motivation is not very helpful and is kind of counter productive to the whole theory of the rolling of the ball. We need to find ways to keep the ball rolling once we have found it.

I have been very lucky that i tend to stay pretty energized with my projects and training. It took practice though. We have to train ourselves to be the kind of person who will not quit on things. I read "Living the Martial Way" quite a few years back and the instruction to "Train as a warrior trains" sunk in with me. There are several things we can do to help this along, but it is really a matter of focusing your will. Here are some things that i think help to make us get past the excuses and effect positive change. These are laid out in terms of martial arts training or exercise but they can apply to other goals as well.

1. Start out reasonably. Do not think that after years of inactivity you are going to jump headlong into three hours of training a day. You are not going to stick with this. Start out with reasonable expectations.

2. Find an exercise or style that you enjoy doing. Whatever you want to commit too, you have to enjoy it or you are doomed to failure from the beginning. If you hate running that should not be the cornerstone of your new exercise regime. I train in martial arts because i love doing it and i am happy to do it everyday. I like doing that better than i like going on vacation. It is easy for me to stick to it because i found the training program that i like to do.

3. Get involved with a group that shares the same goals. Find a group of like minded people who want to train in what you do. A martial arts school can do this or a basketball team. Find a group on Facebook that will help keep you motivated or pick a fitness buddy to go to the gym with. This will also help with number 4.

4. Hold yourself accountable. Do not let yourself off the hook when you skip workouts or training sessions. Life happens but commit to doing what you have said you were going to do. If you find your new commitment important you should go at it with the zeal with which you go at showing up for work. When you don't go there are consequences. Find ways to make yourself accountable. Post your workouts on social media to a group so people can see what you are doing or start a blog. Keep a fitness journal. Donate to charity every time you miss a workout. Skip a favorite TV show if you miss something. Anything but find a meaningful way to reward yourself for staying on task. If you meet your workout or training goals maybe you go out to eat at the end of the week to a good restaurant, maybe you see a movie. Something. Be accountable.

These are some small things that i do. It is important to find ways for you to keep at your goals and not let them fall by the wayside. Life transformation is not easy and adjusting your will takes time and patience but it can be done. You can affect change.

Who are we?

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it in the process that he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." ~Nietzche

There is a lot of back and forth on the internet presently about Syrian refugees and them coming to our shores. I have seen a lot of vitriol and anger coming especially from the side that advocates closing the borders and protecting our own. I even saw one person say that he would gladly kill every one of them and not lose a minute of sleep over it to protect his family. Have we been gazing too long into an abyss? Are we not being wary while we wrestle with these monsters that we ourselves are not becoming monsters?

What is it about terrorists and those who would take innocent lives to make their point that we so loathe? Is it not that they do not lose a moment's sleep over trying to kill every one of us to prove a point? What is, or at least what should be better about America and what we stand for is that we do not do this. What exactly do we like about ourselves and teach our children to strive for if we become a people who can flippantly say we will not lose a moment's sleep after killing every last one of them? It is possible this person meant every last one of the terrorists who want to destroy us, but what was being talked about were the 1000's of refugees. There may well be, and probably are some vicious killers in the midst of that mass of humanity, but there are definitely some innocent victims, infants, hard working men and women who just happened to be born in a less fortunate circumstance than we were. I do not doubt that there are some among us who do believe they would willingly kill all of them for an ounce of safety. Those among us who believe that and feel that way are the same as the enemy we claim we are trying to defeat... in short, those who flew planes into our buildings, and killed masses of people in Beirut and Paris and elsewhere in the name of a cause... we are the same as them. We cannot hold the moral high ground anymore once we begin to feel that way. We are at that point also monsters.

We all want to keep our families and loved ones safe, but unfortunately becoming hard and heartless does not help that. It is actually counter productive. Our adventures around the world looking out only for our own interest helps to breed this hatred of us. We exploited Cuba for our own interests... and then came Fidel Castro. We used the Mojahideen in Afghanistan when it was a convenient tool against the USSR, and then abandoned them in the end... and then came Osama bin Laden. We instigated the creation of an anti-Syrian force that we knew would be extremist... and now we have ISIS. We keep doing the same things and expecting different results. We support monsters that destroy a society in our own self interest and then wonder why generations of children grow up to hate us. I am not saying that the actions of extremists are justified, just that we had a hand in creating them with actions that are also very unjustified and in the long run are detrimental to our security. We make stupid decisions on the world stage over and over and over again. It is not a partisan problem either. The Obama administration is raining death from the sky on people all over the world with our drone program... the Bush administration gave us the Iraq War... there is not a side of our political world which is free of these bad decisions.

Back to the refugees... I heard my first friend on the blocking refugee side say, "you want to accept these people without checking them, i am all for refugees but letting them in unchecked is suicide". OK, we can get somewhere. I am all for thoroughly vetting the people coming into this country. We have to do that in an efficient way however. We have translators who worked with our military who we have been left to die because of paperwork and we cannot do that here. I do not know exactly how we do this but we can think of something... we put a man on the moon. Maybe we make a safe zone in the Middle East where people are free from danger and can be checked as we need to. Maybe we team up with Egyptian billionaire guy who is buying Greek islands to relocate people who are in harm's way and they can wait there. Maybe that is even a final destination, who knows. The goal is to get people safe, to me that does not have to be here if we have a viable alternative.

We can be compassionate and smart... we can be strong but loving... we can protect ourselves without turning our backs on the world. With great power comes great responsibility. We need to be the ideals we claim to be standing up to protect. We cannot become monsters ourselves or else all of our service men who die in these wars we have created are dying for nothing and that is unacceptable. Shame on our politicians who take military action lightly and send our sons and daughters off to die without a strategy and a plan for political reasons. We cannot let this happen to these brave men and women who are flying our flag on foreign shores. What we are doing has to mean something of value. We are better than those who would wage war on innocent civilians to try and get us to hide under our bed sheets and give up our freedoms for a sense of safety. We went into Europe and Asia and lost millions of American lives because we were better than fascism. We won with most of our principles intact. We do not have to choose between taking care of our veterans and letting the huddled masses who need these shores come here. If we want to make America great again we have to remember what it is that makes this country a shining light on the hill. It is not money or economic security, it is not that we have bigger bombs then everybody else. This place is great because of the ideals that we stand for and what is written in our Constitution. If it is just our wealth and military might, then we are Rome all over again, and empires always fall. It is the people here and all of those people, regardless of the color of their skin or their religious affiliation or sexual orientation is what makes us strong. Are we truly something amazing that has happened to the world or are we just the next Roman Empire that has passed its zenith and is heading toward slow decline?

Get the Ball Rolling

The first part of the Adventurer's Code from the Lords of Adventure's Adventurer's Handbook, "Get the Ball Rolling." Super important concept and i find it to be a big part of the code that most adventurers have a hard time with.

Procrastination is so easy. Things that we are going to do later, we do not have to do right now. I have friends who have stated that they were going to do something, definitively, years ago and those things are never done, will never be done. The reason is because a lot of people have no actual capacity to get the ball rolling. It is easy to have ideas, but to take those ideas and make them actual in the world requires action and it requires the will power to actually create and perform.

I had a friend once who told me, "Man i wish i was as good at martial arts as you are." My response, "Well, start training now and then in ten years you are going to be pretty awesome... or, don't and then ten years from now you know what you will say? 'Man i wish i was as good at martial arts as you.'" He did not begin training and ten years and more have gone by. I buy into this and i might take it to the opposite end because i am always trying to work on things. I might actually need to learn how to relax and just sit sometimes, but that is another blog. This blog is about getting the ball rolling and making something awesome out of your life while you have it.

I have seen it over and over again. I have wanted to do things with people and try to get us working, next thing you know over a year has gone by and we still have done nothing. We only have a limited amount of life that we get and there is SO much amazing creation that we have the potential for. Do not waste your life away thinking about what you are going to do later. Start it. That is what the code means. Get the ball rolling now. If you want to learn a martial art, a musical instrument, if you want to make a sign for your business or ask somebody out on a date... do it now. Right now. Get the ball rolling. When you stop reading this do the thing. Not kidding. You don't have time to wait around or years are going to pass you by.

Rocky - "I'll do it tomorrow."
Apollo Creed - "There is no tomorrow! There is no tomorrow!"

If you would like a copy of the Adventurer's Handbook, get it online: Adventurer's Handbook Online