History

"I am sad to see what a shallow village tale our so-called history is." ~RW Emerson

Somehow i think i have given people the wrong impression that i like history. I thought it would be good to put out there my opinions on the subject to clear things up. I really do not want people to think that i like history, in fact, i sort of think history is one of the worst things that has ever happened to humans. Right up there with the Cartesian idea that somehow what we really are is a consciousness locked up inside our skull, a mind that is somehow separate and distinct from our body. That is on my top 5 list of all time most unhealthy ideas that happened to humans/humans invented.

When i was in college and was a history/philosophy major, i spent very little time in classes on the Civil War or World War II, classes about facts and dates and the like. Most of my time was spent studying the philosophy of history and the philosophy of the hunter/gatherer with Calvin Martin. He wrote an amazing book called In the Spirit of the Earth, Rethinking History and Time and in that book he explained and explored the world view of Paleolithic (hunting and gathering) human versus the philosophy of the Neolithic (farming) human. No one talks about it. History is one of those things that we assume is just out there in the ether happening to us, but history is a wicked mistress with an agenda.

History is not just what has happened to your people in the past, but it implies a trajectory. We learn about American history in our schools because history itself implies a chosen people, in our case Americans. Positing this also has the side effect of imposing an Other. If there are Americans, there are also those who are not one of us. Historical people build monuments to their greatness and these monuments are very religious in nature. Take for example the carving on the Lincoln Memorial, "IN THIS TEMPLE AS IN THE HEARTS OF THE PEOPLE FOR WHOM HE SAVED THE UNION THE MEMORY OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN IS ENSHRINED FOREVER." The memorial is called a temple, Abe is enshrined and he will be remembered forever. Very religious terminology.

Monuments are not seen until people start farming and worshiping sky gods. Go to a hunter gatherer village, such as an Austrailian Aboriginal Hunting Clan, a year after they lived there and you find no trace that they were ever there. Now go and visit Tikal in the Guatamala or Angkor in Cambodia and look at the stone structures made to last for thousands of years. People build monuments when they believe that they are a chosen people, someone that needs to be seen down through the ages. It is chosen people who go to war.

Hunting people who live off the land live in a margin of grace. They have faith that they will be provided for. Farming and hoarding stuff is a margin of fear. We grow food and store it up because we believe that the earth will not provide for us. Farming people stop seeing the spirit and powers of place as all around and inherent in everything they see, but start taking those powers and throwing them into the sky. Whether it is the Sun gods of Central America among the Aztecs and Maya or Jehovah, the God dwells separately and humanity is apart from that being. Many many times this comes with fear and guilt. In Central America with the cyclical nature of time, there was no guarantee that the cycle would start up again. Wars were fought to take slaves that could be used to feed blood to the sun, the fuel that kept the cycle starting up again. The Bible itself says that when humanity left the garden it would have to eek its living out of the earth. This jives with what we know about hunting and gathering life styles now. Life in the Garden of Eden, and life in a paleolithic society had lots of leisure time. Farm work is rough.

History and Time feed off of themselves. All of the wars we have ever fought are the direct result of us being a historical people. We know the saying that those who forget their history are doomed to repeat it. We have no evidence to support that because as a society we have been remembering our history since we started hoarding our food, and as historical people we have been repeating all of our dumb mistakes over and over again. So we really have no way of knowing whether people who forget their history are doomed to repeat it, but we do know that those who remember their history are indeed, doomed to repeat it. We continue to fight wars and cause genocide in the name of this and that. There is always an Other. Presently it is terrorists. During Macarthy, it was Communists. To some people it is homosexuals, it used to be the Native living in the plains, in Germany Hitler made it the Jews, and it all plays on our fear. This type of politics works very well in the paradigm of history. Believing that there is an evil other out there is a good way to motivate people to do all kinds of things: commit atrocities, give up their rights, generally hate and be easily manipulated.

I see the Crazy Horse Monument and i do not really know what to think. I do not believe that Crazy Horse would have wanted the face of the sacred Black Hills to be blasted apart to make a monument to him that people could look at forever. Monuments and tearing up mountains is a very European thing to do.

I worry for my people. I feel that as long as we try to solve our problems within the paradigm of history, we will never do it. I also see no way to break that cycle because no one can even fathom that it is a problem. It seems like a hokey thing to even say. Before it was brought to my attention, i never even thought that history was a made up thing. I am not sure what is to be done about all of this. I am within the problem i know that as well. I try and have my personal vision quests and i know that those powers that the hunter saw inherent throughout the woods and the rivers, himself and the rocks, still are there. They nod familiarly to you if you put away the ipod and cell phone once in awhile and get out beyond the reach of the street lamps. Be in it, embrace real darkness and night. The angel choirs are singing outside my window right now, i can hear them. They are the voices of peepers and crickets and other people whose names i do not yet know.

The Substance of our world view is Time. There is a clock in every corner of our lives. A boat is efficient to us if it can cut through the water and get us to our destination more quickly. The clash that happened when Europe crashed into North America was this, the Substance of the peoples that lived here before we arrived was not time at all, but Beauty. An efficient canoe to a Micmac hunter in Canada, was the one that was more beautiful. The fish would be more likely to give themselves to the hunter whose canoe had the most beautiful decoration. The Europeans who arrive here could not even fathom this because both peoples were operating on a different set of beliefs. Beliefs that are so fundamental we do not even realize we share them and world the place around us with them. Time and history are two such things for us. No one ever thinks to question them, they are the foundations that we walk on. To shake them is to shake our whole deal with reality.

It is a tough decision and difficult to write about in any way that makes sense. I choose to try and walk in beauty but it is difficult. I have been conditioned. We all have for we are all products of our society.

I guess what i am getting at here is that i feel that history is one of the major problems and it is good at being a chameleon. No one knows it is even a problem. It will eventually let you out of its grasp though in moments that exist between the ticks and tocks on the clock. There is an eternal present moment. When we live in the now, the whole concept that time is moving faster the older you get falls away. I do not feel that at all because i have been working on this a long time. I gave up on birthdays and worry and i honestly feel like time is slowing down. I have days on occasion that seem like an eternity. Last week seems so long ago to me. Embrace your moments.

Be in the now. If you can do this, you will achieve a fullness in life that is hard to fathom. You have to be able to do it in the moments you do not like as well, maybe when you are at work. Don't miss those moments because they are not coming back. Be fully in them and the Kingdom of Heaven will open up for you, eternally and now, not in some dreamy place in the clouds, but here in the place that you are.

Wow, i can ramble when i want to. I do hope this makes sense. Anybody have any ideas on how to break history's strangle hold on our imagination? I imagine not. In our world-view we live, all of this usually gets labeled as crazy.

We the People

Ah Americans. I am one. We are so proud of all that we have accomplished. We have done a lot, don't get me wrong. We really believe that we are the greatest country in the world and i would really not want to live anywhere else. I am happy that i can get online and write this blog and not be taken away tomorrow. What i am writing about now, is this selective ability we have to be both part of and separate from all the things we did.

Most of your super flag waving patriots are happy to point out all of the good things that we have done as a people, but as soon as you begin to talk about the ugliness of America: slavery, our acts of genocide toward native people, etc. they are quick to point out, "I did not do that! I never had a slave or killed a Native American." There is a great change of perspective when you move from positive to negative. We won World War II because we are the greatest country on Earth, but I never did any of those things so i don't want to hear about it.

It is all woven together. If you want the good, you have to take the bad along with it. We are a people that has made amazing strides in human freedom and we are also a nation that has committed or attempted to commit genocide. We have created some of the greatest scientific advances in the history of the world, and we are the ONLY country to ever use nuclear weapons in warfare and on two cities full of civilians by the way. Many people get upset about Native Americans or African Americans talking about the hardships their people have endured. Why is it so hard to accept that WE did do that, just like we put a man on the moon or helped end the Holocaust. As i said before it is a package deal.

I personally believe that is how we begin to heal and move past it. My professor Calvin in college was talking to a student during office hours and she told him that she had been raped by someone that she thought was a friend. He told her, "I am sorry." "Why," she asked, "you did not do it?" His response, "I know, but has anyone told you that they were sorry?" She wept and thanked him. I am deeply, deeply sorry for what my people, for what we have done. I understand that people have good reason to be pissed off. Friends i have known on the reservation have had good reason to not trust us white folks. WE have lied to them for 500 years. Our going down there and feeling the conditions and bridging gaps started a healing. Healing did not begin because we got defensive and said, "I did not do this to you, get over it." It was because we looked it in the face and said to our fellow human beings, "yeah, i am sorry, what happened really sucked."

We are the beneficiaries or victims of our past in some way. I live in a neighborhood with good influences and a decent school system that my parents' could get partially because of where they grew up which was a result of their parents being able to live in the right neighborhood or get good benefits because of the color of their skin. Some people live in horrible conditions because of historical reasons as well. We do not need to deny this and blame people for being lazy. There are some inequalities in the world. We should look at them honestly.

Note, i am not trying to make excuses for anyone. I think one of the worst things people can do is live with a victim chip on their shoulder. Any human circumstance can be overcome. Petty tyrants (see Carlos Castaneda and the book The Fire From Within) can be a great boon to advancing personal power. But, this idea and this defensiveness about how hard it is to be a European descendant in America because people blame us for what our ancestors did is a victim complex as well.

I love the place that i live in. I am proud of who i am and who i came from, but the people i descended from, were people, and sometimes people, all people suck. We are living presently in an era that is the result of our people sucking more than other people. Europeans happened to get in power and dominate the world for a good long time now. Maybe we will move toward a world where there is less oppression of people, but one way to do that is to honestly look at and accept what we have done. There are still people that in either direct or indirect ways are still suffering from OUR actions.

Ultimately, everyone's ancestors have done some sucky things to other humans and to the place they live in and the animals around them. Even more than being an American, i am a human. That involves a lot of beauty and a lot of ugliness that no other animal could even begin to imagine. But i accept who i am and what i am. I am a part of this whole great story that is humanity, for good and for bad. I am full of love and pity for those who have suffered, all of those who have suffered at my own hands down through the centuries and ages that we have walked in this form. We are all, every one of us, every one else, both living and gone down through the centuries. We are part of this community of humanity and we need to soon realize that we are all deeply, deeply rooted in this thing together.

Namaste

We all go the same way home...

"And we all go the same way home, yes we all go the same way home." ~Flogging Molly

During my stay at the Colorado Renaissance Festival i would often sing the song "The Sun Never Shines" by Flogging Molly. Dreagn introduced me to it and i really like it. The song ends with a refrain that is written above. It is repeated. I found myself on the final weekend of the faire singing that song and as i did i looked out over the people watching me and the patrons passing by and it moved me.

The song has a theme of death and as i looked over the people at the faire, the people were like walking ghosts. We all truly do go the same way home, back to the earth from whence we came. Death makes us all equal, the conqueror worm masters us all in the end. Time makes a mockery of our lives if we allow Him to grip us.

I thought about all of those people as i sang on and heard the words echoing in my own thought. Each of them walking by has their own story and a whole world of life dances about them as they strut and fret their four score and then are heard no more. Each of us is in the same boat, the saint and the sinner, all of them, no matter where they have been or what they have done is rendered equal in the dirt.

We all truly do go the same way home. As i sang and looked out over the people passing by, i realized that we are all in this together in a very palatable way and it was beautiful to feel a part of the whole great cycle of the whole great story that carries along the streams of our lives.

Namaste

Substance and substances

"A thing is said to be free which exists by the mere necessity of its own nature and is determined in its actions by itself alone." ~Spinoza

This was Spinoza's definition of freedom. Odd that he used the words necessity and determined in his definition. Spinoza was an absolute determinist. He believed that if you knew all of the causes, had a God's Eye View of the universe, you could tell exactly what would happen. In his time, the word substance was used to describe the ultimate essence of a thing. For humans the substance was the soul. Through Spinoza's logic, he determined that there was only one Substance and he used the term interchangeably with the words God and Nature. The only thing in the universe that was truly free, was Substance or God. It was the only thing that was determined only by its own nature. Everything else was at least determined by their own nature, and the nature of the shared Substance. This definition of freedom does not bother me really. The biggest part of what determines me, is myself and i am not controlled by an outside destiny.

Any way, that is not what this blog is about. According to Spinoza one is less free the more things control or determine its existence. If you are also controlled by an abusive spouse or parent, you are less free than one who is their own person and free of control. The same can be said for the substances we become dependent on. To be addicted is to be less free, the fix becomes a controlling factor.

Living on the road at the Renaissance Faire i see a whole culture that values its freedom. Most of us out here came out here because we did not want to be controlled by the typical 9-5 life of American society. But yet, a great majority of this culture allows its substances to be like a boot on its neck. I am not even talking about the health effects at this time. It is hard to get free of something when you are spending 50-150 dollars a week or more on it. People do this with drinking, smoking, marijuana and a host of other things that become necessity. The substances that are imbibed become our masters and they become more important to the dependent than food. Even without legal repercussions, the wasted money and time take away from a life that should be creative.

It is interesting the amount of time i have listened to marijuana smokers tell me how creative it makes them. Meanwhile they smoke all day and accomplish nothing. The drug becomes a need. Much time is lost as is much heightened sense of the world around. The same thing happens with drinking. Most of us work two days a week on the road. Many of those dulled on substances waste away their off days and miss the astounding places around them. They are on the road, but all places look the same. Colorado looks the same as New York or Arizona from the inside of a booth watching a video game screen through a smoky haze.

And there are also the health effects. I will only touch on them because it is not my main focus. Many people who choose this lifestyle are very concerned with the way they eat and personal health. They spend extra money to have organic foods or choose a vegan lifestyle in the hopes of health. Meanwhile, they chain smoke cigarettes, usually organic, or drink to drunkenness. I will say the same as i say to my students, this is a joke. You can not be healthy if you are a smoker. That should be priority one. Also, giving up cigarettes will allow a lot more money to be able to afford more natural organic foods.

I value my freedom. I do not want to be chained down by the costs or anything else that goes along with addiction. To be clear, i am not anti-alcohol, drug or tobacco. What i am against is doing anything that limits your freedom. If you have a budget for your herb or your alcohol or your cigarettes that exceeds your budget for food, that is a problem.

I enjoy having a drink with my friends, even getting a little typsy once in awhile. But more i value my health and my freedom. I am a warrior. That is a whole life style. Not only does it involve physical training, it involves the things you put into your mouth, your spirit and your heart. There are many ways to poison yourself. Living in a cage made of alcohol, tobacco or drugs is one of them.

Everything in moderation. Even tobacco. To natives in America before Europeans arrived, tobacco was a sacred substance. They told their children it was powerful and big medicine. They had no smoking problem. If tobacco can be used as a religious experience it can be a healthy thing. Problem is, it is very powerful and we have made tobacco a taboo. She will suck you in. I say this only to emphasize, i do not have anything against the substances themselves, only the way we use them. Like William James i believe that drugs can be a legitimate form of religious experience, but not when they are used recreationly.

Embrace your freedom. Breathe the free air and go for a hike.

Have a good day and i wish freedom to all of you. Namaste.

Relationships

When i used to work at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire in the cast, every year there would always be someone who would arrive in cast that was in a relationship that they really did not want to be in anymore. The significant other was somewhere far away and they were staring at not seeing each other for long stretches of time. Usually they were just out of college and just arrived in a place full of attractive and talented interesting people. The conversations were always very similar. Usually the person would go on about how hard they had tried and all of the reasons why it was not going to work out that they usually blame on the other person. There was usually also lip service to how they wished they could make it work. Those of us who had been there awhile knew they had about 1-3 weeks before the inevitable break up. This drama would drag on for awhile when the healthy thing to do would be to end it. Usually they would start falling for a co-worker in this time and often times someone would get hurt.

The person doing the talking, the side we heard while living with them was done with the relationship. They had already decided the relationship was over, but instead of admitting that, they wait to find some kind of justification. They usually can not stand their partner. Other people start looking a lot more interesting. In that kind of situation, they do not want to admit that they want to hook up with other people, they would rather drag things on until they can convince themselves that it is the other person's fault. I have heard people say, even recently that their mate will not go to counseling, but then when you suggest something that may help, they make up excuses why that would never work. The common one is to say something like, "my partner would never go for that." Their world view says that it is hopeless. They have convinced themselves. It is sad to see.

I am not sure why people get mean to the people that they should love the most. It seems pretty common in our culture to hate your spouse or girlfriend. We make jokes about it all the time. My grandfather had a joke, "i did not know what happiness was til i was married, and by then it was too late." We laugh at this kind of thing. We are so trapped in our own issues and our egos are so fragile, we can not look at and see what we do wrong. When relationships crash, it is rarely one person's fault. We need to learn to really love.

I think a lot of this stems from the way we typically get into relationships in the first place. We kind of think in our society that life is pretty miserable. Most people get to go to a job they do not like for the great majority of their time and the only happy we think we are going to get is love. People rush to it, they fly to it and they are miserable when they do not have a special relationship. People in college, even high school lament that they will never find someone. They feel empty and alone so instead of finding a person that is right for them, they settle for whoever will get involved.

We need to find our own happiness. Life can be awesome, with or without someone. If you can not be happy with yourself, no one is going to deliver that to you. It is also often when we stop looking that the right thing comes along. I had given up on love when Bethany showed up. Ironic that we find that special someone when we stop looking. Both of us are complete in ourselves. We both could be happy on our own, but she still enhances my happiness, mainly because i do not NEED her to.

If you find yourself in a relationship where you can not stand the person you are with, ask yourself what you like about that person, why did you get involved with them? Do not allow yourself to wallow in the stuff that they do wrong for a whole week. If you can remember, if you can stop being mad for a minute and think of wonderful things about your significant other, maybe there is something there to save. If you can not do that, save us all the drama and leave. Do not pretend it is all their fault and make a rationalization of why you are the victim. Also accept that YOU want to leave. YOU do not like them anymore. Take responsibility of the parts that are your fault and be an adult about it. We all mess up. I have been the king of being horrible at relationships in the past but i have also learned a thing or two over the years.

I understand also that every relationship and human situation is unique but i have seen this sort of thing many times. I think there is a pattern there and to find health and prepare yourself for the next person, you need to get past the pattern because it is a bad pattern and it is a pretty rotten thing to do to someone you claim that you once loved. If you do still love them, it is also great to get past this way of dealing someone.

Everybody have a great day and embrace your love. If you do what you do from a perspective of love, you can not go wrong and maybe people could stop being mean to each other.

Namaste.

Self-Help

"You must be a light to yourself, in a world that is becoming utterly dark." ~Krishnamurti

Bruce Lee believed that all help was ultimately self-help. I think that is true to a great extent. We have to make our own way in this world and people often times will let us down. For a long time i hated asking anyone for help at all, with anything. I did not want to be a bother and a nuisance and i think partially i never wanted to be vulnerable. I have learned to let people help me a little. Still, i think it is best to not rely on it.

Everyone out there has their own lives and people can not be expected to remember and help deal with our problems as well. I am part of this club by the way. It is not that people do not care or do not want to help, but truly we all have too much going on to be able to remember the things that need done in our own lives as well as those around us. When a major crisis happens, people rally around, but the crisis fades and so do people's notice. That is all right.

I enjoy being self-sufficient. I want to take care of my own problems and deal with them. I do not want to need anyone to get by. At the same time, it is nice knowing that there are some people who are on my side who are there if i need them. My parents, Bethany and her family, John Williams, etc. There are those out there who want to help, i just do not want to expect it.

Saltwater Moonshine Boys

Here is a video from our show in Colorado. This song was written by Rook and myself.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LZUI5X1XK4