Dualism

Apology and fair warning, this is going to get heady and philosophical.

The philosopher Spinoza said that the chief problem with Western Philosophy is dualism. That is the categories we make that are mutually exclusive with each other and they have cause a lot of problems for us in the West. Mind/Body, Self/Other, the individual/society, etc. etc. Taking mind and body for example, they look like completely distinct and separate things. Mind is a non-extended something and body is matter that exists physically in the universe. We think they are related somehow, but there is a problem figuring out how this non-extended something interacts with the body since typical though usually is that somehow our mind directs the body. It is a problem, at least for philosophers who worry about these sorts of things.

There are lots of kinds of body, or let's use the word matter. We don't have a problem figuring out how they interact with each other because they are all extended in space and have mass. It is easy to see how a car interacts with the telephone pole. Even though are different kinds of matter, it is not a mutually exclusive dualism between car and telephone pole.

This statement of Spinoza's woke me up philosophically. What i happened to be studying at the time was the great philosophers who all had their personal tome. Hume's "A Treatise of Human Nature," Kant's "Critique of Pure Reason," Hegel's "The Phenomenolgy of Spirit," etc. etc. So, i of course wanted to have my own, mine was going to be "The Codex of Energetic Monism." OK, not sure exactly but energetic monism was the crux of the thing. The idea was and i still believe this, that there is really only one kind of stuff ultimately and it is energy. Matter is just energy in a slower state of vibration and we can see this with all the energy that is locked up in any atom. This is not super important for where we are going, just pointing out where my head space was.

The difference with my theory, and i am sure it is not just mine, there really are not any original thoughts out there, was it did not try to solve the mind/matter problem by just making everything either one or the other. People have tried to solve that problem by saying that things are either just all thought, or just body (chemical reactions n the brain = thoughts, brain states = mind states.) I don't like those kinds of explanations. In the beginning we were beings, undifferentiated and then someone came along and started to classify. We have these thoughts that seem to exist outside of space, and we have these bodies that seem to exist in space, they are two different kinds of stuff. Saying we are either body or mind forgets that we made that distinction in the first place. I was looking for that state that happened before we made the split, which is an illusion, it is a useful illusion but an illusion just the same.

Now, mind/body is only one of the dualisms that affect our lives. Subject/Object, Practical/Spiritual, Local/Global, etc. They are all illusions. You do not have to be bound by the term. When i am learning a practical martial art, it is also very spiritual for me, really the practical and the spiritual are the same. When i am helping a group of five students, i am helping the world. You are not separate from me, and you also are. We don't have to worry about it. Separating self and other, body and thought usually leads to denigrating one side of that equation which leads to one half of the thing. For a long time we have thought of the thought as pure and the body as banal, and thus arise all sorts of issues with female body image, feeling guilty about sex, etc.

If we can bring down these dualisms it would solve a great deal of our problems and ultimately i feel like they are at the root of a lot of our problems that plague us today and throughout history.

I welcome your thoughts. This is something i have thought a lot about and really makes up the core of most of my beliefs. Have an amazing day, and see your fellow humans as your self too.

How long nail polish lasts

As a boy, there are just some things i don't know.
I had no idea, for example, how long nail polish lasts.

As a whim, with salt air in my nostrils, and joy on my lips
and alcohol in my veins, pink fluid transformed my toe nails
into something they had never been.

As a boy i had no idea what i was getting myself into.
That is the kind of knowledge we are just not informed of.
The flakes are still there and it has been three months.
I had no idea what i was getting myself into.

I had no idea how long nail polish lasts.
Sometimes it last longer than a friendship,
but not as long as memories.

There are still four flakes clinging to life
on several little piggies.
They are fading like the memories
but the memories are still there,
they still make me smile.

Life is a journey and not a destination.
I don't avoid the journey because it may end someday.
I am happy i had the nail polish and the memories.

My Whisper

It was a long long time ago
when the animals could speak.
I felt something like a whisper,
From a forest, deep, shadowy and bleak.
The call, if indeed it was a call
Was alluring, enticing, a shadow cross my soul
Like a desperate angel fall.
It was an almost heard something,
Elusive, at the edges of my mind,
That is ever-present, daring,
By that something i'm defined.

That low whisper promised answers
But to hunt them i must dare
In the deep shadows of something,
In the woods of melancholy, despair.
I roam, oh i wander and i roam,
As the woods encroach, surround, haunt me, grey and gather
Til there is no place feels like home.
Seek and search the wood for the voice,
Deep and deeper, leaving no stone unturned,
For the voice that makes the whisper,
For that speaker i do burn.

On some days, between the whispers
I can't even hear the call.
My spirit at times distracted
By toil or by a pretty face enthralled
Is given reprieve, oh sweet reprieve
As the dark groves retreat, withdraw, disperse and leave me
To give me hope which i believe.
In these moments my walls come down,
Heart and love, sweet hope entice and enter
Carried on curves and lips and lust
Into my deepest center.

But i am a lonely hunter,
Loving the thrill of the chase
And when something new does enter
For a moment, the whisper is displaced.
The times, the sweet tender loving times
When i bask full on in warm embracing kind romance,
I feel forgiven of my crimes.
I am given a peace and ease
And i forget like a cat in the sun
As the dormant whisper goes still
That my searching is not done.

I wend my way closer to you,
Sweetest of maidens the Truth,
In deep, quiet contemplation
Far from the whisper, alone and aloof.
I think, i sit quiet and i think
As i delve, dive, decipher and scramble for answers
Midst whispers in truth on the brink.
It is a long and lonely road
On a journey up the mountain to know.
But the walk i would not forsake,
It draws me closer to my soul.

In synthesis of opposites
We often find the answer,
And i think fear of the whisper
May be my mistake, my bane, my cancer.
I reflect, sit quiet and reflect,
As i muse on my history, my fears, my escapes,
Potential pasts that i neglect,
I need a turning in my soul.
I have erected walls that none can breech
Between the whisper and my life,
Sometimes love is out of reach.

A time dawns the lonely hunter
Must own responsibility.
My heart the source of the whisper
I find inside, a culpability.
But with the call, i live, i grow and i live.
I search its subtleties, nuances, rhymes and reasons
And there is nothing to forgive.
This voice, my friend companion,
It has been open, guiding all along,
It was my interpretation
That was faulty and was wrong.

So long i have been indecisive,
Waffling, looking this way, that,
Two steps toward the whisper, two back,
Dancing both feet not in the love i’m at.
With lovers i twirl, i dance and twirl,
As excuse i use the whisper to keep my distance
Not cracking the shell for the pearl.
But this separation is false,
I see now the traps of my own devise
That have kept me moving, guessing
Failing to be truly wise.

Indecision moves within me
And i always vacilate
Between these roles i have made,
These complex categories i create.
Ideas have power, massive power
That shapes, creates, molds, transforms the very way we think
Our realities devour.
My own ideas my enemies
That subtle soft conspire to undo me
And lead me hither and yonder
To conundrums willingly.

But all of this is illusion,
A philosophical game,
When i truly hear the whisper
There is no need for confusion and shame.
In my time, in my life, in my time
This long enduring, winding, weaving, endless journey
The whisper says all will be fine.
That’s been the secret all along,
It’s just as simple, has been from the start,
That the truth is not some secret
That is hidden from my heart.

It is a long, long time ago
And the animals can speak.
I feel something like a whisper
From a grove i approach humbly and meek.
That call, and indeed it is a call
Is alluring, enticing, a light within my soul,
That voice is everywhere and all.
I can hear it now, clear as day
From within me and without, all around
Ever present and answering
It’s with my destiny bound.

Stewardship

"Our minds are made up of the animals we have attended." ~I believe this is from Robert Bringhurst

We tend to love the underdog in occupation stories. In the movie Independence Day we humans come together and fight off the vastly superior technological force from outer space that is trying to wipe us out and take over our home. We set aside all disbelief that we could make a virus for their super advanced computers that will wipe them out. In War of the Worlds the alien invading species is wiped out by disease that they have no way of coping with. We like those stories. But in the real world that is not really what we support. Our vastly superior technological weapons have swept over the globe, pushing out of the way by whatever means of genocide or biological warfare we can muster the Native aboriginal peoples that are in our way. Progress must progress after all. It is usually the invading species that wipes away the indigenous species with their disease by the way. What should happen, by all logic and karmic reasons when the aliens or angels or monsters arrive, is that we should be wiped away without a trace. By our own moral system, as we actually live it, not by what we profess, but by what has transpired over human history, these superior species are within their rights to push us out of the way and wipe us out as pests in the way of progress.

We still act this way. We act as if we are the only species that matters in the Earth. There are times when death is necessary in the cycle of things. I am not a vegetarian or a pacifist, and i do believe the fact that i am alive gives me the right to eat. But, that being said, there is a way to go about that with respect. I do not for example eat veal. That is to me simply the torturing of an animal just because we find it yummy. I have the right to eat, but not to disrespect and flaunt my power in a way that tortures the beings that are lower down on the food chain. Aboriginal people knew this and they treated the animals and the plants that they ate with respect, because in a hunting world view, the food you eat is a gift from related beings. You go out in the woods and wait for the food to come to you on its time. That changes with farming and domestication of animals. We put the animals in fences and they become a commodity. They are no longer the free acting agents of their own will capable of giving you a gift... they are property.

As i said, there are times when death is necessary. We need to eat energy to survive and eating of animals and plants is part of the cycle and the natural order of things. But, there are certain things that should occur in that cycle. We should treat these beings with respect. It does not matter whether or not they have a soul or are as smart as we are, what matters is whether or not they are capable of suffering. A good hunter will only take a clean kill. Ultimately that leads to better and more healthy food as well. An animal that suffers when it dies for longer periods of time has higher levels of stress hormones and unhealthy elements in its meat. I am not saying this is why we should be respectful, but it is a side effect. We should be respectful because it is the right thing to do. We are at the top of the food chain and have a responsibility to the animals in that cycle with us.

Sometimes we need to kill animals for other reasons besides food. Sometimes, they are suffering. I remember holding my cat Ninja as the heart beat and breath slowly left his body when we put him to sleep. He had gone from a 14 pound muscular and sleek hunter of the night, to a 6 pound shell that had pain when he walked and could not keep his food down. I wept. He was my friend and my teacher and i was there with him in his last moments those many years ago. He purred. I could feel it as surely as i could hear it as he left this adventure and went on to the next one. We laid his body in a place of honor and there is moss and roses growing there now. His body has fed them and the cycle continues.

Recently, i saw an animal that had rabies killed. It needed to be done i guess. However, there was laughter and video taping and the whole thing was treated as a joke. It may have been necessary, but it should never be taken lightly. Not only that, the initial "kill" with a shovel or pitch fork did not succeed and about 5 minutes later they realized the animal was still alive and trying to move about. I was filled with rage. My people, my species bothers me on many occasions and our disregard for the other beings we share this planet with is where it is probably at its greatest.

We are a part of the great cycle, the great dance of life on this living orb that hurtles through space and time. We have minds capable of so much and thumbs that allow our thoughts to be made reality in the world around us. We need to take care of these beings. We know as children how important animals are to our psyche with the stuffed animals and the wonder children see in their pets and any encounter with an animal in the outside world. The next time you eat, say grace. Say it to a divine power if you wish, but also, and i think more importantly, say thank you to the being that put on its fleshy coat for awhile so that you may survive. It is a gift, it is grace. Acknowledge that handshake that you are given from your other than human kin that haunt the forests and the fields all around us. Say thank you to your cat, your dog, your snake or your gold fish even. They teach us about our humanity. There is a reason why serial killers usually start with animals. The killing of humans later is related, because we are all related,all the two-legs, the four-legs, the wings of the air and the gills of the sea. Get excited when you see a wild animal intrude upon the teflon coated world we live in. It is amazing. Business as usual happens in the woods.

The Kingdom of Heaven is at Hand

I was in a tent the other night and i listened, really listened to the chorus that was going on all around me. I was struck that i had not heard that song in a long time, probably months. The problem is not with the chorus, but with i, the listener. I used to journey into the woods behind my parents' house, my childhood home, almost every night to sit in awe of that song and hear the ancient and primal wisdom that those peoples of the night speak of. But, we get busy and distracted and we forget what is important. But that night, i listened with the ears of a worshipper to that song.

I truly believe that the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. It is all around us and our forms and illusions are broken down in the embracing darkness of the night. We can understand things there when we get beyond the pollution of the street lamps and the computer screens. Our form is an illusion of the daylight according to Loren Eiseley, and in the darkness of a forest, we begin to melt into the universe.

What is expected of Heaven? Angels singing eternal praise to the Almighty? They are there. That is them. The chorus of the woods is that angel choir. Peepers, crickets, bullfrogs, katydids, all the people of the forest open their throats and sing of primal things, beauty that surrounds and explodes in a cacophony of praise and Thanksgiving. My soul is eased when i get out there and listen. Our stories are small in the scope of that song. It is beautiful and when i sit alone in the woods and the darkness, i am part of it. Sometimes i can not help but open my throat and allow the swelling chorus to rise up out of my own lungs.

30 things

There was a really cool event on Facebook that is happening this month. November's 30 Days of Thanksgiving. The idea is that every day you post something that you are thankful for throughout the whole month of November. Great idea and i signed on. Problem is, i get really flighty and so have missed a lot of days. I actually think i only posted once and i will again once i get this blog done. So, what i figured i would do was write this blog with thirty things that i am thankful for in honor of all of those who have been diligent in posting their items of grace each day so far.

So, in no particular order, here are my thirty things that i am thankful for:

1. Best parents ever. Totally supportive even when they don't understand. Could not have asked for more.

2. All of the events and history of my life that has led me to this place i am in today. Life is pretty awesome. I get to perform, teach martial arts and own a Renaissance Faire. Truly blessed and lucky.

3. A freezing stream and waterfall in Oregon that gave me my true baptism.

4. Calvin Martin and Bruce Wilshire who gave me a basis for my philosophy on life.

5. Bruce Lee and Dan Inosanto for the philosophy of Jeet Kune Do. This has given me my passion and purpose and many times, it has given me a job.

6. All of the students i have ever had who have taught me more than just about anyone else.

7. Cheryl, Elise, Bethany and Shelli for teaching me exactly what i needed to know about love at exactly the right time.

8. My Sister the Moon and my Brother Orion

9. The Appalachian Mountains

10. The beautiful Delaware River

11. The Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire. That place has given me the best times and people of my life. Think about it, i bet there are a lot of us on this Facebook event and reading this right now who, if you really think about it feel the same way. Truly magic.

12. Rick Tucci, Alex Wilkie, Master Martin, Craig Stanton, Ron Kosakowski, Mr. Kirkpatrick... my direct martial arts teachers who really transformed my life.

13. Jim Georgi and Mary Karl, my fellow TA's for Calvin Martin at Rutgers, i am really thankful i got to be a part of that team

14. New Jersey. That is right New Jersey. I love NJ and that is my home.

15. Ninja the cat. My Grandfather and teacher, wisest animal i have ever know for a long period of time and he taught me much in our walks in the darkness. He gave me many lessons on patience, enjoying every second and blade of grass and also on meditation.

16. Andy Pritikin. Thankful for the home he has given us for the NJ Ren Faire.

17. Liberty Lake Day Camp. Thankful to have been accepted into the family and to have a place to share my knowledge and skills with the next generation of young martial artists and actors of the world.

18. Pizza

19. John Williams. Best sword fighting partner ever and always reminds me about what it is like to live a life of joy

20. The angel choir of the night, all the spring peepers, crickets and bull frogs that sing constant praise to the divine

21. The fact that i was able to know all of my grandparents and 5 of my great-grandparents

22. Ginny Bartholomew for giving me the inspiration to finish my book

23. Dana Andresen for being an awesome, albeit high maintenance BFF

24. Eileen Wisor, best friend of all time and long lasting as well

25. Seth and the Hilburn clan for accepting me into their family

26. Mike Brown and Rob Kiernan for years of friendship

27. Dungeons and Dragons. I know i am a geek, but this game really had a lot of influence and taught me a lot. Again, i know i am a geek.

28. Shelli Nock for reminding me what it means to be a super hero

29. The Adventurer's Guild and all of the adventurers we have met who have embraced what the Lords of Adventure is all about

30. Thankful for being born in the time and place that i was. You know, really i can't complain about anything and i am thankful for that too. Sometimes when people ask me how i am and i say i can't complain, the response is, "would not do you any good anyway." But that is not why i say it. I really have nothing to complain about. If i had my choice of any life that i could live, it would be this one. I am deeply deeply grateful for every single moment of this little life i have been given.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Be blessed and be thankful for what you have.

A Close and Present Darkness

"Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was." ~Exodus 20:21

The title of this blog may inspire images of a horror film to some of you. Not to me. I realized that i should clarify my view of the darkness after i published my last book, The Same Way Home. My mom asked me about a quote in the book, something along these lines, "When we love, truly and get beyond our ego we approach the thick darkness where God is." The quote from the Bible inspired that kind of language and i have always thought that was a beautiful image. When my mom asked about it though i realized everyone does not feel the same way. We tend to think of darkness as negative and i feel like that is a shame and a disservice to the night much in the same way as our images of bats and wolves are a disservice to those beautiful animals.

The light is amazing, let me say that first. We are creatures made out of stars and we basically need to eat light to survive. For the most part i feel that we should shed our light upon the world. But, that does not mean i feel that the darkness is a negative either. Some of my most spiritual moments have been out in the woods at night. I used to walk, almost every night, out beyond the hedge row behind our house in New Egypt, NJ, into the fields and woods beyond the reach of the street lights with my various cats and just exist out there. It was absolutely amazing and had a lot to do with shaping who i am in relation to the spiritual side of our lives.

Loren Eisley said that our forms are an illusion of the daylight. It is so true. Light gives us our shape and form and in the surrounding darkness of the night we melt and blend with the surround. It can be terrifying to be in a place where your sense of sight basically leaves you cold. Other older more primal senses begin to take the front seat. There have been nights when out of fear i have fled back to the warm embrace of the lights of my house. But, on those nights when i could relax, and let go of my ego, i felt more welcome and at home than i ever did in a crazy party somewhere. I have always been impressed that when i listen to the bullfrogs and spring peepers, crickets and other members of that great chorus that sings on at all times in the night beyond our villages, that they comprise an angel choir that sings forever exalted praise to the Divine. That chorus can sweep you along in its current and when we get past our fear, our ego can dissolve into the greater story of life living itself that we are all a part of. It is intense and it is meditation. The darkness is full of God, whatever that may mean to you.

Stillness so thick
it tingles on the skin
like static.
Its presence resonates
with the pregnancy of meaning.
Silence oozes through
the chambers of my being.
I am invaded by a moment
that is not a unit
but a meditation.
A meditation on matters
so grave and primal
God has not yet dreamt them.
The pauses between beats
of music and ticks and tocks of time,
flows, expanding, growing.
The moment envelopes and embraces.
Only a soft murmur
touches the still;
shhh!
Softer.
A tiny drum beat;
organic.
It melts into the Surround,
as natural as the silence.
My own heart.
It is disturbing,
like a child’s cry in church.
Only egos cringe.
The All accepts.
Silence welcomes sound,
a blank slate
for painting words and chants,
drums and strings,
and small animal hearts.
Equal part and parcel
with occasional goose or rustling leaf.
He is the tempo of the slow chorus
that is the night.